True Crime, True You In The Newest Of Brave Worlds

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, But Its Podcasts May Very Well Offer Uplifting Clues to a New You 

The new year is always a time to reinvent yourself and shake off the baggage of previous lives. But imagine having to reinvent yourself after being the main character in a true crime podcast. That’s exactly what the 7 people in this spread are doing: they are trying to brush off everything from cults to kidnapping in 2022. And they’ve got a few tips on how you can embrace a new year and a new you (without having to chop someone up into pieces first! LOL)

THE CULT LEADER

JANET “The Beloved Sphere” SMITH

In the mid-90s, Janet ran the Heavenly Order of Burbank—a doomsday cult that believed in archery, nudity, and that the world would end on St Patrick’s Day 1998. She became the focus of a federal investigation when it was discovered that she defrauded the church of 3.8 million dollars and bought a helicopter.

“I always admired the manipulative power of religious leaders and so I thought ‘I can do that,’ so I did,’” says Janet, excerpted from Whirlybird.

Janet’s 2022 Outlook: While the courts won’t allow her to do anything that sounds even vaguely religious, she has shifted her energies and created a vegan mixology blog: “Blogging has been a great way for me to heal. I share the cocktail recipes that got me through difficult times. It’s my way of giving back. And knowing they are vegan is important to me”

THE ACCUSED MURDERER

DANIEL BRONSTADT

In 2007, Daniel Bronstadt was accused of murdering his twin brother, famous Orlando weatherman Chuck Bronstadt, with a waterbed. He was never found guilty, but a podcast in 2018 renewed interest in the case. He was then brought before a court, but the judge hadn’t heard the podcast, so the case was thrown out. Daniel now raises mini-horses in rural Canada.

“A twin would never murder their twin, it would be like murdering yourself, which would actually be suicide. And suicide is simply something I would never do,” says Daniel, excepted from This Sounds Serious.

2022 Outlook: The pandemic was hard on Daniel, after being late to the “toilet paper game,” he wasn’t sure if he had what it took to survive. But in the solitude of lockdown, he discovered a new passion for acro-yoga—a form that com- bines acrobatics and yoga with a partner.

“It’s really what kept me going,” says Daniel. “Even though I live alone, I discovered that with a chair, some core strength and a little creativity, anything’s possible.”

THE EVIL DOCTOR

DR. LAWRENCE SNIPE

In 2015, optometrist Dr. Lawrence Snipe was the CEO of In-Sight, the fastest growing contact lens business in Amer- ica. He claimed to have invented the first invisible lens. But in 2018, the FCC determined his company was nothing more than an elaborate ponzi scheme. Unwitting investors paid money to host “Lens-Parties,” only to discover all they were selling was empty lens cases. Dr. Snipe is currently serving 15 years at Crystal Cove Prison Camp in Laguna Niguel.

“It’s amazing how many people don’t actually need con- tact lenses to see. As long as they think they’re wearing them, their vision is just fine. I blame the contact lens companies—they’re the real villains,” says Dr. Lawrence Snipe.

2022 Outlook: “Incarceration has been a wonderful opportunity to go inward,” says Snipe. “A daily practice of meditation as well as ‘dry-bathing’ with cotton balls has been life altering. From quieting the mental noise I rediscovered my childhood passion for crafting with found objects.”

THE CON-MAN

LENNY BRICKLAND

The notorious dating app con-man fleeced dozens of love-seeking hopefuls out of millions of dollars. After connecting on the app, people would show up for the date, but Lenny was nowhere to be found and, mysteriously, their bank account would be dry. He was caught thanks to an undercover sting where a veteran police officer posed as a 24-year-old, amateur bodybuilder using the handle: @ShelaLiftsWeights.

“Do I feel bad for conning people? Yes. Did I love spending their money? Oh hell yeah. I got some cool things!” says Lenny.

2022 Outlook: Now under house arrest, Brickland sees a big future in crypto currency. “Someone told me what an NFT was the other day. And I was like: ‘So you’re telling me you can con people and it’s legal?’ So yeah. That’s mainly what I’m doing now. I’m ripping off people in the metaverse ... excuse me, I’m a trader in the metaverse.”

MISSING PERSON

SARAH COOK

In 2017, 19-year-old Sarah Cook mysteriously vanished from her home in rural Nebraska. Within three days, a full scale investigation was launched, and four days after that, so was a podcast.The police believed the kidnapper was Sarah’s longtime boyfriend, Niles Branch, who was later sentenced to prison. It turned out Sarah was studying abroad in Italy but had neglected to tell anyone. Niles is still serving time awaiting an appeals hearing.

“We looked everywhere. Except Italy, I guess,” says Sgt. Damon Butts, lead investigator, excepted from Where’d She Go?

2022 Outlook: Now back from living the disappearing dolce vita, Sarah is looking to work on her interpersonal attributes: “After I discovered I had disappeared, it made me realize I really need to work on my communication skills. So I’m mainly focusing on that.”

THE DRUG RUNNER

ALFONSO RIVERA

This former regional manager of a Seattle’s Best coffee shop in Tempe, Arizona was busted in 2013 for operating a drug ring out of the drive through window. Using coffee cups as drug mules, Alfonso discretely distributed the narcotics to his army of dealers.

“If somebody placed the secret order, a large Raspberry White Double Mocha Blended Ice, they’d get 16 oz of cocaine... to-go,” says Alfonso.

“I don’t know why I ordered it, I honestly just thought it would taste great, but when I looked in my cup and found a half pound of cocaine, I thought: Ok. This is weird,”says Gayle Bossa, excerpted from Buzzed, Blended, Busted.

2022 Outlook: After being released in 2021 Alfonso is trying to build back all that he lost. “I’m no longer a regional manager, but I’m back at Seattle’s Best as a nighttime barista. And I don’t deal drugs anymore, but I do have a very lucrative micro-dosing business.”

THE SCHOOL ADMISSIONS SCANDALIZER

NEIL MUNROE

Neil Munroe was a highly regarded commercial flight instructor, certifying thousands of pilots for many of to-day’s top airlines. But when an investigative journalist discovered a backchannel for wealthy families to “pay” for their kids to instantly become commercial pilots with no training, it uncovered one of the largest aviation scandals in history.

“Passenger aircrafts basically fly themselves, so although what I did was wrong, I don’t really think it was dangerous,” says Neil.

“I think we really only scratched the surface on this scandal. I believe there are still hundreds of unqualified pilots that were certified by Mr. Munroe and are still flying for major passenger airlines today,” says Detective Bonnie Blit, excerpted from Permanently Grounded.

2022 Outlook: While Neil is currently held on bond at home and awaiting his trial he is taking the opportunity to work on himself. “I’ve started a regular practice of float therapy in sensory deprivation tanks. It reminds me of the solitude I would feel when in the cockpit of an Airbus a320, something I’m currently not able to do. I also think it may be a good primer for solitary confinement,” says Neil.

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Written by Chris Kelly and Peter Oldring of This Sounds Serious
Illustration by Elly Azizian