Worldview: The Fabrication Issue

Image de-fabrication? With closed eyes and a deep breath-I can feel the hot honey pouring down on me, perched delicately, I take the stand- golden - and liquid- in gentle sunlight--we walk on soft metal--leaving an imprint- awareness-Society is full of delusion--I worry about the sick capitalist economic system - corrupting the planet--Causing Climate Change-We have to turn it around for our kids--and think deep into the future- for generations who deserve a beautiful existence. A blending of worldly needs-The world is so small.

My latest fixation-Tropical Classical-I love literature- Fusion between worlds-- a diverse understanding-- poetic- realness- not black and white-- joined- no war- no competitiveness. Consciousness. Worried and Nauseated by psycho- world of Reality TV, celebrity- too much access, hi-def, Video games-violent movies-crazy gun culture-dulling our senses-blinding us- literally- we are becoming more sick, more pornographic-- less healthy and sensual- we have lost touch with the basis of life-LOVE- to care for one another-such unbalanced wealth--greed-Poverty, living extremes -even the weather- repercussions-unhappy people-why are people fighting universal healthcare?

An "American" unhealthy sense of entitlement- only the rich survive- We need a simple flat tax. And an incredible free education system (like Finland)...I’m guilty of falling for the American dream-(believing it was better) being from a small town in Canada-modest upbringing-All I ever wanted was to build a home-own something- put my ideas into something concrete- a metaphor- dignity?

Hollywood came by surprise- I did not even know it existed- until I fell into it- posed for playboy- I did so I could help my family -I still love Playboy for that-my parents have a home, no bills, a reliable car and great Canadian healthcare- (a relief) that was priority--then I created a life for me- it became something that didn’t suit me--sex, drugs, rock'n roll. Years of decadence- then- with and without a husband- without guidance-I was bamboozled, taken advantage of- wild and unrestrained-  I was naive-life led me by the hand at times  instead of me leading it-I did this to myself-no blame-no regrets- its been an exciting journey-I’ve lived far beyond my reach-- causing stress and hardship.

I’ve gone off the deep end on numerous occasions-I have felt I was mad--crazy- out of control -Been easily swayed-I found myself underwater- trying to pay back taxes-was left with a house half built and a construction lawsuit-I let it all get away from me- while I drowned financial worries with partying- it just kicked the can down the road-I was determined to solve this- (not go bankrupt)- worry about my liver later (Hep C) -Pay my bills by myself- (with out help) scaring off any man who loved me and wanted to take care of me-like a little girl- I stomped my feet and wanted to fix everything MYSELF- determined.

My heart and soul are completely devoted to my children-I have struggled in the shadows- not alarming my kids- just handling business-I am a good mom...

as for charity (I work tirelessly connecting people)- I'm about to launch Pamela Anderson Foundation. Which will encompass all my charitable passions-

I have a good trick- when things get too much. I go on my 100 day plan; A time of concerted effort- -Pilates, No alcohol- being around healthy people-I dream clearly, write like a maniac-- I call it my unstoppable madness time- I obsess on issues I want to resolve untill they are resolved! (no wonder I've self medicated-my mind is full of fantasy, mythology-constant projects) without direction-nothing gets done. Just a lot of ideas- that I eventually forget-- I am most successful during a time like this. The flood gates open- and I am blessed-I'm in liver recovery -I’ve fallen undeniably in love and am inspired by a great man- a muse I can’t shake - Even if he remains just a muse - I am determined- to show him and all mankind- my ability to make a difference-be the best I can be-be useful-intelligent- somehow help unravel the depths of this unreasonable pillaging of nature --

Where do I fit in?-Please no more reality shows-  (I'm grateful to know how to skate and dance now)- but come on-it was like sticking hot needles in my eyes- to endure the humiliation- is this really entertaining? I used the money to pay lawsuits, bills- so fixated on solving a financial issue-But- completely out of character -I sold my soul to save my beautiful home- I took the advice of David Lachapelle - we made a deal- Say YES to everything! -Everything is pop art-- he told me I’m not cheesy so -what ever I do can’t be cheesy- we are a lot of like- soul mates--scared, fragile--in need of financial security- a home is extremely important to us-a home base to feel connected to-

We come from hardships-we've suffered and paid dues. I've worked hard -been sued many times--easy target- I’ve had to settle many lawsuits-- I took some strange turns--I felt out of my element in LA-and always wanted to go home-I gave most my resources to charity, my family and friends in need-I am in early stages - but creating an artist retreat in Canada -where I grew up-- something my parents can be a part of- a place for them to live out their years-

I get asked on occasion to design hotels, spas, residences-in a free spirited, artsy fun way-- I can see me doing this- and -- creating a sensual line of furniture, bedding, products to make you feel safe- adored, and clever--sustainable living in small spaces-good quality pieces considering Alchemy, and the soul of materials.

*As for tax debt (being handled finally -as we speak) The reason I got behind was because I was in the middle of building my house- and a few deals fell through in 2007- I was to build a hotel in Abu Dhabi- and a Hotel in Vegas-- both deals fell through due to the market/recession-I was counting on it-- I had contracts- I had no idea my tax account had been used to pay a contractor who had gone 3x over budget-

I didn’t watch closely enough--I couldn’t catch my tail- until now-Simultaneously taking care of my health- what a ride! My home is the Catalyst to the next part of my Career- good quality--conscious choices--I may end up in my TEEPEE on the North Shore, Hawaii-- figuring out something Bohemian and simple where the boys can surf and enjoy simplicity-I'll live mostly in Europe- a little stone house, with a clothes line of white sheets, flower dresses and board shorts-in a field of lavender next to a surfing beach--I have experienced more lust than love-men are rough with me-I hope that changes with time- I’ve created an image even I don’t understand--and invites a strange attachment-

Remember -I am an angel at your feet-I float next to you whispering in your ear, softly kissing your neck - leaving salt on my lips- I play favorites with a sweet rambling tongue--I write poetry-- I love to love-- tormented--I may get back in to a TV series, A good film project? a Vegas Cabaret? I feel ready-- the next chapter--my kids are old enough now- they want me to succeed - :)

Reading Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet-I’m an art Collector-With an innocent crush on Ed Ruscha. All I need to survive is a creative project, a powerful man to respect and adore, an eccentric companion--I am creating a life for my beautiful boys to learn security, independence,  have self worth- and the best education I can provide them-  they are and should be rebellious- it's important-

I hang by a milky thread- it’s the preferred cliff of existence-poetic -I might not like security- I’ve been accused of that-A battle-Anyone I’ve loved - I’ve sadly hurt- my wandering mind takes me away- a restless spirit- Alonely island-I come through for who I need to- My family, the guardian of the sea- Paul Watson, Haiti (JPHRO), PETA- my dearest friends, Cool Earth (save the rainforest- giving back to indigenous people to protect) Leonard Peltier- (one of my Heroes), Vivienne Westwood- Goddess of culture and wisdom, My dearest friends David, Luca and Jesus- an untamable force of Art-

I don’t know if I want to be understood- I can't fight the cartoon image-fueled by a tabloid nasty culture- bullies -cowards behind computers-remember we are all human and flawed-- grace, forgiveness-I've used whatever I am fabricated and otherwise to contribute to society-as twisted as it all seems-the Universe knows.

I want you to know me before it’s too late- before I’ve fallen into the trappings of being “not me” -before I’ve conformed and become a robot-I spend every day- glued to my path-- so I can stay here-- covered in Hot Honey-walking - dripping-warm...

Always in Love, Pamela

Written by Pamela Anderson