Fuck Your Worries' latest menu is not for the 'hangry'

L.A.-based jokesters launch their fictitious new restaurant, and the menu is a must see. (Don't miss the hard opening coming up June 2021) 

Tired of hearing trendy new restaurants say "We do things a little differently here" in lieu of them saying they serve family style, believing they have tricked us into thinking this is a new concept like we've never been to a Chinese restaurant before? Well, satirical restaurant website, Fuck Your Worries, is and they reminded us how we are too.  Check out our mashup of London pub culture and LA raw vegan bliss from our Califuk issue, concocted just for us by Footpit's Guy Kelly.  

CAFE SERVITUDE

 STARTERS

LOST deconstructed pie and mash 9

Small mounds of single-grain flour, reformatted almond butter, 

powdered mushroom and a raw heirloom potato

[MISTING OF THAMES GRAVY +3] 

HOMELESS crudités 8

Guerrilla-grown carrots, abandoned celery sticks and a

grinding of forgotten pepper

HARDWORKING pretzel bowl 24

Gold-dusted salt, entrenched flours and yeast closeted in a darkened room

[Inferior hummus dip +1] 

MAINS

SURLY chip butty 16

Single potato oblong fried in barrel-aged oils, hollowed out and sworn

at by a genuine Cockney villain, served in an artisan bun

[Add bullied tomato jus +5] 

ROYALIST gazpacho 12

Heirloom tomatoes sliced by a muscular brute humming “God save the Queen” 

tossed with swan-pecked onions and finished with parsley

FRIGHTENED Greek salad 14

Out of place Brazil nut feta, sliced hooligan lettuce, vintage olives

from local producers, topped with tahini slurs

DRINKS

DICKENSIAN margarita 10

The best of limes (hand picked, organic, individually cared for), the worst

of limes (twitching, godless, tiny skeleton inside), re-aged

Cointreau, “salt” rim, tequila foam

FUTILE “will she” martini 15

Rose-infused gin, regretted vermouth, stirred with ice, and “no” 

HOOLIGAN sandy 11

Gluten-free high-strength lager, sparkling organic lemon spritz, shaken, 

with ice frozen in the heat of the moment

DESSERTS

FROSTBITTEN gelid eels 13

Traditional working class fare, sweetened with agave honey and brought to

temperatures approaching absolute zero to scour your palate clean

REHABILITATING fudge brownie 9

Thirteen grains of nurtured sugar, borstal soymilk, flour ground by the families

of convicts, dusted with unforgiven powdered almond

PRIVILEGED banana split 40

Small batch banana rum, cream-infused sugar syrup, ice cream flavour

almond flakes and a sense of well-earned satisfaction